"Husband in the Attic & Wife in the showcase"

Let me explain....As per popular saying "Marriages are made in heaven" and to be lived on earth. If you have a fulfilling marriage, definitely you experience heaven on earth. Not all are privileged.

In most cases, the intensity of emotions, bonding may be strong initially and may wear out as years pass by, leading to my analogy "Husband in the Attic & Wife in the showcase".

We all have stuff stored in our attic. Usually the stuff that is not required for immediate use gets stored in the attic  (may be in modern homes, we may call them storage places beyond everyday reach). We all know such stuff is lying around somewhere if the need comes we can retrieve it. It may have wear and tear due to its idle condition. However, there is a mental relief that we have it somewhere and have not lost it. Similarly the case of husband in attic. They exist, not very functional but if need arise, you could retrieve and use them. Need could be social gatherings, children's education related events etc.

Now about the showcase. We all love to keep our best looking artifacts, antics etc. in showcases. These are for display only and do not have real functional value. When visitors come, they appreciate the stuff in our showcases and may enquire about those artifacts, which may bring back our memories of how we acquired them, when and from where. We may feel proud and happy sharing the story with those people. Yet, once the visitors are out of the door, we know we are back to normal and the pieces in showcase remain static. We have nothing to do with them. Similarly in some homes, a wife may have lost the functional value of emotional comfort and be a pure show piece for the man in the house. However, her value in terms of offering all the housekeeping services and home management including regular cooking, caring will never seize. Which is anyway, not acknowledged or appreciated.

Many homes may have this arrangement. Yet the fact that people can co exist without fighting or arguing and giving space for each other is amazing. I am not the one to judge and say if this is good or bad. Not all things in life have to be segregated in those two categories. Life can be lived in any fashion suitable to the person living it. Peace and harmony must prevail at all costs!

Story of Two Sheep...

Once there lived two sheep on a farm. Farm was green and filled with goodies. The two sheep were well cared for and adored by the farmer family. It was beautiful morning and the sheep were grazing on the misty grass, when the kids came around and in usual playful mood started chasing them around. They had named the sheep "Snowy" and "Fluffy".  

Though they both looked alike and were of similar age, kids seem to like Fluffy better than Snowy as Snowy preferred to be left alone. Fluffy loved the attention and responded to kids playful joy by jumping and bleating. Once the children left them on their own, Snowy as usual reprimanded Fluffy for being a sport and accommodating the little human's fancies. She always considered humans as enemies and could not trust them for she had heard from her mother about the tricks they play and the purpose of their being raised in farms. Snowy came from a big farm where she had heard and seen sheep's being taken for slaughter. Fluffy, on the other hand was unaware of any such stories and was living life in ignorance of such facts.

Despite Snowy' s regular reminders and stories about humans, Fluffy could only base her judgement on what she saw and experienced. All she saw through her short life so far on that farm was love and care and hence she ignored Snowy' s version. For now they were just eating and getting fatter in their own ways.

When time came to slaughter a sheep for the festival, parents had a quick discussion and obviously Snowy was the first target as her popularity in comparison to Fluffy was lower. Though it was a painful decision on part of the kids to lose one of their playmates, they were learning to imitate their elders. 

Next morning when the whole farm was asleep, farmer came and tied up Snowy. It was self-fulfilling prophesy and she did not resist much as she was prepared for such a day and had not expected anything different from the farmer. She was not sure if she had to feel sorry for her painful end or to feel happy that her prediction about the farmer was proven right. While Fluffy slept sound, Snowy met her end and provided the meat for the family and its guests.

The next morning when Fluffy did not see Snowy around she tried to make sense of the situation. When the children came out to play after their sumptuous breakfast which included choicest parts of Snowy, they were full of remorse. They knew Snowy is missing her companion and maybe even fearful of her own future. So they pursed their lips and gave out no information about Snowy, rather tried to make up by being more playful.

One of the smart kids with a kind heart was not happy with all that was going on. She did not join the other's. She was aloof and was writing something in her note pad. She was worried for Fluffy and wanted to stop what is coming. She waited for the right time during dinner to kick a fuss and deny eating what was on her plate. Convincing by parents only made her more determined about her choice. She made an emotional plea with her parents about the kind of cruelty they were inflicting. 

Her voice must have been feeble, but definitely not fruitless. Other children joined the chorus now and there was mutiny around the dinner table. That night the parents were pushed back and had to take a stand on what would be the fate of Fluffy and other farm animals in the days to come. They decided to find an amiable solution to this situation soon.

Fluffy at the same time is finding it hard to sleep. She is wondering what would have happened to Snowy. She still wants to give the benefit of doubt to the farmer family and feels that Snowy may return soon, while her own future hangs in the hands of those little children and their ability to influence their parents.

By: Lavina Cardoza

  

Man's journey...

Taxi driver Abdul was waiting at the airport. He was asked to pick up John traveling from Gulf to his home town which happened to be the same as that of Abdul's. At a time when there were no phones or mobiles, he used to get his customers from word of moth.

He knew John and it was his duty every two years to receive him at the airport and also to drop him back post his month long vacation. Being worked in Gulf himself as a driver for few years, Abdul was familiar with the hardships behind the exaggerated pictures painted by the Gulf returnees for their family and community during their short stays. Yet, John was different as he had few words and very respectable. There was nothing flashy or inauthentic about him.

Finally, John arrived and Abdul could recognize him from a distance. Once the luggage was placed in the boot, Abdul and John exchanged greetings and a short conversation. Knowing how eager John must be to meet his family, he left him to ponder and take note of the recent developments as they passed by.

Once the car reached the house, Abdul could see the house helpers coming ahead of the family to unload the stuff. It was no surprise to Abdul as usually the women would not show too much eagerness in front of strangers to come forward and greet despite waiting for that moment for months on end. The kids too will have mixed feelings about a stranger who they have to call "Dad" coming to stay for such long period. So, they were hiding and watching this whole thing unfold.

After taking his fare and wishing John happy vacation Abdul left. In all that hurry and excitement, John did not forget to handover a box of chocolates for Abdul's children.

As John's house was on the main road, occasionally Abdul would catch a glimpse of John and salute and move on. He could see every vacation there would be more construction work taking place at John's place. Fresh sand and stones would be brought in and he could see men engaged in either building a compound wall, digging a well, building a toilet etc. As John's wife had her hands full with taking care of the family farm, aged in-laws and the young kids, this was his best way of spending his vacation.

As they say time flies, it was time to drop John at the airport. This time, John was accompanied by his wife and kids and there was chatter and fun. Yet, he could feel how John and his wife may be feeling now that there was the gap of two years till they saw each other. He was glad to have company of John's family on his return trip.

After an hour he could see John's wife come out with the kids. Youngest kid was inconsolable and wanted dad to come back. Abdul kept wondering what magic that serious looking man would have created to get this scared little kid who was hiding on  the day of his arrival, to be so attached. He tried his best telling the kid that he would go back in a few days time and fetch her dad as soon as he gets replenishment's for the chocolates that they so loved. Thank God, the hint of chocolate worked and the kid was soon looking out of the window and counting the trees outside. He could see a sign of relief in John's wife's face from his rare view mirror.

Years have passed......both Abdul and John's families have evolved and after about 40 years from that first incident this second scene is playing out.

Taxi driver Hameed is waiting in his car outside John's house. Hameed is Abdul's son who inherited Abdul's taxi and his profession after Abdul passed away 20 years ago. Hameed too knew John and his family as they were the only service providers for the family over the years. Though number of taxis has increased, John's family was loyal to Abdul's and were preferred over others.

Seeing John's daughters come out with loads of luggage, Hameed got out of the car and went to their veranda to get the luggage. He knew John's daughters who had settled outside and were occasionally visiting home. Hameed would usually pick and drop them to airport or to catch the bus at night. John would sometime accompany them and waited till the bus left. He would take extra care to ensure the safety of his daughters though they were all now grown up and had families of their own. He had remained the same serious man with few words and Hameed would hardly mind it.

Today, for some reason the mood of John's household was sombre. His wife would usually come out and draw Hameed into some conversation. He did not see her. Finally, John came out supported by one of his daughter and his wife followed. Knowing the family for long, Hameed knew something was amiss.

Of lately, John used to be sick and Hameed had accompanied him on his hospital visit to the city. As the family had all daughters Hameed would physically support John in case of difficulty. Somehow there was a silent bond between Hameed and John's family.

In the car, John was accompanied by two of his daughters and rest of the family said good bye to him and they shared the destination. Hameed's heart skipped a beat. He knew the place well, it was just 4 KM from John's house. His mind raced, while he had to focus on the road, he kept wondering why a man like John with resources, house and property of his own and caring children would be heading to a "Old age home". No one spoke in the car. John had a serious face as usual, but was looking more pale could be due to the long time ailments or the dread of having to live in a old age home.

For once, he wanted this journey to last forever. He wanted to defer the time of John's drop off. Car is just a machine and had no feelings and it reached in the usual 15 minutes time. At the Old age home, they were welcomed by people. Stuff was unloaded and moved. Out of curiosity, Hameed accompanied John inside of the institution.

For a change, he felt peaceful in the clean, green and serene environment of the institution. It was a paid facility and John had a nice big room with attached bathroom and toilet for himself. John's daughters quickly started arranging his room. Hameed finally asked John if he would be living here for now. John nodded and said this is the best the family could think of as his condition required constant care and hospitalization. As his wife had a delicate health condition and children had their career and families to care for in the distant cities, he would be looked after well in this facility. He could rest, do his prayers and get 24/7 medical care. This comforted Hameed and he left the room for John to settle in fully.

Outside, he was offered tea and snacks and could see several old people engaged in their own activities, some were enjoying in the garden, some were in the chapel praying and few were sitting and chatting. He saw the in-charge of the centre entering John's room and he could hear laughter and the environment change completely.

Sitting on the bench outside, Hameed kept at his thinking. When he was given the destination, he had felt bad for John yet now after seeing all this he felt this place may be better for John. He said a silent prayer for John to get the best services in this new place and recover. John's daughters approaching steps woke him up and he opened the door for them.

On the way back he could see tears rolling down the cheeks of John's daughters yet no word was spoken between them. He knew this decision must have been tough for them. Yet, he was not happy. He kept thinking what would have been the best solution for a man like John who toiled for his family in the faraway Gulf....finally they arrived at John's house. He had no courage left to face anyone of John's family at this point and left taking his fare quickly.

Human Energy, the most powerful yet least valued!

Just back from a get together of 70 most charming fellow trainers within my work context. The energy that we created during the two days was unlimited yet non measurable. We all could feel it, it moved us, made us bond, laugh, dance and do unimaginable things which we would dread doing alone. It re-charged our brains, activated our bodies and enlarged our smiles. Our inhibitions were gone and we were in a zone where we felt comfortable with ourselves and those around us.

This makes me think that human energy is the most powerful yet least valued. We are yet to invent an instrument for measuring it. It is tough to explain and can only be felt.

While the world is currently talking about energy deficits, non-renewable energy sources getting depleted, can we not capitalize on this source of energy. This one is very much within our reach, does not require any technology and can help us in so many ways.

I believe that we humans are the source of world problems and also its solvers. Does it no reflect the duplicity and contradictions within our own race? How can we all be united for a cause? Imagine the amount of energy we would create if all of us resolve on something. Unfortunately, we as humans could never agree on one thing. Mahatma had enemies and Mother Theresa too, which shows that as humans what each one of us want is different.

In this quest, we see in our daily lives one person trying to cover a hole while the other one starts digging at the same place. Precious human energy gets lost in this process. What could be some ideas under which we all can unite as one big family and cooperate with each other irrespective of our geographical location, race, gender, religion and economic condition.

We cannot answer this question collectively. Each person has to answer this individually for themselves. While a poor laborer tries to earn his/her livelihood, the employer may be cutting corners by paying low wages and depriving of worker rights. In the bargain the laborer may be trying to cheat on work productivity and not following the set rules. This leads to the eternal chicken and egg question of what started first....the cheating by employer or by the laborer. At some point this blame game has to stop and each one has to start fresh.

Similarly the consumer is looking for cheap products and to meet this need the producer is cutting corners on ingredients by using pesticides, over usage of environment etc. Society is admiring rich and the powerful, hence most members of society are trying to reach that space by using unfair means. Poor are looking for a space to settle down in crowded cities and the middlemen are collecting money by giving them filthy illegal spaces to occupy and making those spaces even more polluted as they do not take responsibility for providing basic amenities.

We are constantly caught in this quagmire. While underneath, what we all want is same; a world with peace, prosperity and harmony for us and our next generations. How can some of us be so short sighted and take shortcuts?

And the reason why some of us take shortcuts is to gain riches, to earn more money and become Billionaires, a standard set and upheld by us collectively. Are we not guilty of a system that we have created? Yet, as a firm believer in human energy, I dream of a world where we can harness it for common good. Are you willing to take the first step?