Self Development: Cosmopolitan Park 6 PM

Self Development: Cosmopolitan Park 6 PM: Cosmopolitan Park @ 6 PM I am part of the cosmopolitan population for the past 20 years. Coming from a village where the entire commun...

Cosmopolitan Park 6 PM

Cosmopolitan Park @ 6 PM

I am part of the cosmopolitan population for the past 20 years. Coming from a village where the entire community was like one big family sort of culture, I am still trying to establish my identity within the fluid community life here. That makes me think ...... have I really made any conscious efforts to be part of the community or happy to be the invisible entity?

Thanks to urban authorities, we have a small space with green patch, landscaping, children's play area and benches for people to relax after a busy day. I see more of kids, their caretakers mostly women and also retired people on most occasions. Seldom I see young professionals like me. Mostly they focus on fitness and walks with their ears plugged with calls or music. Each one brushing shoulders with the other, without the exchange of a smile or a word.

Today as I sit on the usual bench and observe all these activities, I have the special gift of reading the minds and this is what I gathered:

A woman in her 40's using the gym equipment was busy thinking about the office politics and how the boss is favoring a certain colleague and how she could score her brownie points the next time there is a meeting. Right opposite, on the bench there was a man in his 40's, whose young child was busy playing with peers in the play area, engrossed in his thoughts. He was recalling the best days when he had a job at hand at a reputed company and how his plotting and politicking landed him jobless today.

I shifted my focus on the lady who was walking at a fast pace on a call with ear phones. I could overhear her conversation complaining how the mother in law is plotting and making her look bad in front of her husband and creating a rift in the family. She was furious and was seeking advise for delivering a fitting response.

Not far from the walkway, inside the meditation hut was another woman in deep reflection. While her kid played heartily, she had regret written all over her face. She was recalling how she had to quit her job and take care of her kid and the household chores all because her mother in law relocated to her native place fed up of the misunderstanding. She was reflecting on the factors that made her say those nasty things and make allegations about the mother in law after having long phone conversations with her friends and siblings.

I could not help but notice the giggling of a young couple, deeply in love and trying to be as proximate as possible within the social norms of the metropolitan park. Their giggling brought a mix of joy, envy and disgust to the audience, it least affected the happy couple. I spotted a familiar young girl entering the park. For a change she was not accompanied by the usual young man in whose company she used to forget the time and place. Rather, she had earphones on, playing some sad melodies of 80's.

Security guard was chasing away some of the underprivileged kids from neighboring construction worker basti's as he did not want them to create nuisance and tarnish the image of the park as a place for so called "Decent crowd". Retired Army uncle was walking his dog and discussing the special diet requirement of his dear "Jimmy" (the dog) with his neighbor.

Two young mothers with toddlers were exchanging their house maid woes while a lady in her seventies chanting with the beads and thinking about the loss of her near perfect maid to domestic violence.

Two boys were fighting over the toys they were playing with, while in a corner a young girl was upset about her friend's over strict mother not letting them play together as exams were approaching.

Young father who came to pick up his kid was busy giving instructions to an assistant on an important project. His official work was not over yet. He had the flexibility of working from anywhere which also meant he had a 24/7 schedule causing rift in his marital life. Overhearing the conversation of this executive, the man on the bench with recent job loss, was reminded of his own days at the corporate where he too had felt indispensable and done 24/7 service only to be fired without notice later.

Feeling tired with my powers to read minds, I decided to focus on the nature instead. Two birds on a nearby tree were chatting happily. Droves of parrots were flying back after a good days feeding on the pods of 'flame of forest' trees. Gentle breeze was caressing my hair and making me feel relaxed. Flowers on the plants around me were saying good bye to their life and some lucky ones with the hope of blooming again the next morning. Finally with the mindfulness, I had found what I was looking for and walked towards my nest with the hopes of creating an identity for myself soon.

Love blooms & fades within contexts

Love blooms & fades within contexts

Human beings require air, water and food to survive is a fact known to all.

In addition, "humans are social beings". Relationships, love and affection make us flourish while the opposite makes us lose interest in living.

Imagine a world where a human lives without a name, title or possession. It is almost impossible. Every new born member of our society is given a name, surname and identity is officially proven. As the new born grows, society provides opportunities for it to enlarge the identity through an education, career, family, friends group etc. We all have lived that way and reached where we are. We have our own identities and social circles to which we belong. Upward mobility is always aspired for while any downward trends are frowned upon and automatically affects our self-esteem. 

Now, I am referring to how love and relationships get built within a specific context. When we make friends, we do look at their profiles. Sometimes it is difficult to trace whether friendship happened first or the profile match. We make conscious decisions, rational choices in terms of whom to fall in love with, whom to befriend and whom to ignore. Sometimes we have heard two persons with nothing in common fall in love and get married and we say love is blind. However, once that strong attraction or attachment breaks, even the so called loving couple starts wondering what just happened.

We have also seen attraction between people stem because of social status, money, power, designations, physical attraction etc. We are also witness to such attractions fall apart when the persons who represented these very qualities lose them at a later stage due to any reasons. Few who continue to be still in love are considered special or super humans. 

Reflecting back on life, I too feel played by such identities. I would prefer to make some assumptions here rather than conclude as life keeps evolving every minute and there is nothing certain here.

When a friend confided in me saying when she chose her life partner, the social and professional circle to which he belonged made a big difference. She did not realize it while she made her decisions, rather it struck her when she was no more attracted to him when he was out of that social and professional circle. 

Experiencing and hearing of several such incidents, I was introspecting on the power of relationships and I coined this quote,  "Love blooms and fades within contexts". 

Next time when you get attracted to someone in power, keep asking yourself is this the person or the person's identity that you are falling for. Can you really love a person without considering the context of that person. Is this a good thing or is it manipulative? Is there ever something called as true love/ pure love? Are we all not calculative and take measured risks and look for higher and better returns on our energy investment? I think it is Management. And management is not a bad word at all. What do you say?

Enjoy the Journey!

Recently I had to take a trip to my native place in Mangalore from Bangalore which is about 350 KM by road. The route through Western Ghats is beautiful if you are traveling during day time. I had taken the night bus and the heavy rains for the past months had worsened the road condition.

I could hardly sleep due to the wobbling and honking. Though I was very familiar with this route, at one point, I could not hold my curiosity and got up and looked out of the window. It was dark  and I could see the shadows of tall trees. Though the road was hardly visible, I could assess the condition by the way the bus was moving. With heavy rains, bad roads and poor visibility, the driver was doing his best to prevent any accident. Added to that the narrow winding roads were dense with heavy vehicle traffic.

Being behind the wheels for a few years now, I could empathize with the driver. I too sent out a silent prayer for our safe journey, which usually I would take it for granted. The task was mammoth for the driver. Then my attention shifted from the road and the commotion around me to the sound and speed with which I could gauge the temperament of the driver. Sitting at the back, I had no clue about the driver.  I was sure it was he because female drivers on a night bus was not a common sight on these routes.

What I could gauge from the driving style was that the driver was practicing utmost patience and care while navigating this tough road. He was controlling speed, trying to be under control within extent possible and cautioning other's by honking about his presence. Yet, whenever he would find that brief patch of good road, he would quickly change his pace and use his natural pace of smooth & speed driving and I could say he truly enjoyed that stretch....yet within a few minutes the road would once more change its characteristics and pose the previous challenge, once more forcing him to get back to his cautious mode.

Yet, I felt he was comfortable with both modes.  He accepted both types of roads and situations equally welcoming and had no qualms about driving on them. It is almost like he had no preferences. He was ready for all types of challenges and was doing his best to do a perfect job in both conditions. There was a kind of serenity in what he did.

My thoughts moved back to life in general. We all have to cross paths that are smooth as well as rugged and challenging. There are some of us, who have developed preference to the smooth roads and the moment we find the rugged roads, we start cursing, swearing, hating and wanting to get out of that stretch as fast as possible. That affects the quality of our driving. It affects those who we have agreed to ferry with us. It affects the quality of life of them too. Yet there are those who accept all types of roads, try to do their best at both. No preferences what so ever. The fact that they have made the choice of driving, they take it as a given that the roads ought to be challenging sometime and are willing to show same amount of skill, restraint and patience to make the journey for themselves and those around them smooth and safe.

Happiness belongs with those like the driver in that bus. I said a silent prayer of gratitude for having such a wonderful driver that night. I wish his tribe grows!

What's common about gadgets and spouses?

Today gadgets rule our lives and have become the center of our lives. We cannot imagine our lives without them. They are inseparable parts of our lives whether we like it or not.

I can draw a parallel to gadgets and our spouses. The process of getting familiar is somewhat similar. When you get a new gadget, you do not understand its operating system. Thank God, the gadgets come with user manuals, due to which, those of us who are user manual friendly can take the time to read, understand and operate the gadget effectively.

Those of us allergic to user manuals (like me) or impatient to go through the instructions learn it the hard way. We follow trial and error methods, lose our cool, blame the developer and several times in the process cause the gadget to malfunction. We even do not accept that the malfunctioning is due to our own rough handling. We continue to blame the gadget. In the process we have a broken gadget. Trial and error method does work in the end and by the time we get familiar with the operating systems and modalities, our gadget is damaged or disfigured and we live with it, though not happily ever after.....

Unlike the gadgets, our spouses don't come with User Manuals and we have to learn the operating systems somehow. So we start the hard way. Trial and error, losing patience. Blaming, causing malfunction. Finally when we learn to deal with each other, we have already caused enough emotional distraught and heart aches that we have nothing to give each other. We live the life of compromise and dream someday we can purchase a new gadget and live happily ever after....

My first Konkani post on this blog

"ಅಡಿ ತೂದು ಮುಡಿ ದೆರ್ಪೊಡ್"

ಮುಜಿ ಮಮ್ಮಿ ಆದ್ಲ್ಯಾ ಕಾಲೆತಿಚಿ। ತಿಚ್ಯಾ ಪ್ರಕಾರ್ ಪೊಯ್ಶೆ ಆಸ್ಚೆ ಉರೊ೦ವ್ಕ್  । ತೆ ಜೊಮೊವ್ನ್ ದವರ್ನ್ ಬ್ಯಾಂಕಾಂತ್ ಫಿಕ್ಸಾರ್ ಘಾಲುಂಕ್ ।  ಪೊಯ್ಶೆ  ಖರ್ಚು೦ವ್ಚೆ ಮುಳ್ಯಾರ್ ತಿಕ "ಸುಣ್ಯಾಕ್ ಉದ್ಕಕ್ ಲೊಟುನ್ ಘಾಲ್ಲ್ಯಾ ಬರಿಂ" । ಆಮಿ ಜೊಡುಂಕ್ ಶಿಕ್ಲ್ಲ್ಯಾ  ದಿಸಾ ಥಾವ್ನ್ ತಿಚಿ ಎಕೆಚ್ಚ್  ಜಾಗ್ವಣ್ , "ಪೊಯ್ಶೆ ವಾಟೆರ್ ಗಲಿನಾಕಾತ್"।

ಹರ್ಯೆಕಾ ಫೋನ್ ಕಾಲಚೇರಿ ಆಮ್ಚಿ ಖಬರ್ ವಿಚಾರ್ತನ ಕೈಂತರಿ  ಗರ್ಜ್ ನಾತ್ಲ್ಲೊ ಖರ್ಚ್ ಖರ್ಚಿ ಖೊಬರ್ ಆಯ್ಕಾಲ್ಯಾರ್ , ನೆಕ್ಸ್ಟ್ 10 ಮಿನುಟಾ೦ ಪೊಯ್ಶೆ ಉರೊವ್ನ್ಚ್ಯ ವಿಶಿಂ Airtel ಚೊ ಟಾಕ್ ಟೈಮ್ ವೇಸ್ಟ್ ಕರುನ್ ಸಲಹಾ ದಿತಾಲಿ।
ದೆಕುನ್೦ಚ್ ಆಮಿ ಗಜಾಲಿ ಫಿಲ್ಟರ್ ಕರುನ್ ತಿಕ ಪಾವಯ್ತಾಲ್ಯ೦ವ್ । ಉದಾ: ಮಾಲ೦ತ್ ಬೊಸೊನ್ ಫಿಲ್ಮ್ ಪಳಯ್ತನ ತಿಚೊ ಕಾಲ್ ಆಯ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಭಾಯ್ರ್ ಪಾರ್ಕಂತ್ ಆಸಾಂ ಮುಣ್ ಜವಾಬ್ ದಿತಲ್ಯಾ೦ವ್।  ಹೊಟ್ಲಾಚೆ೦ ಜೆವಾಣ್ ಜೇವ್ಥನ ಕಾಲ್ ಆಯ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಶಿತ್ ಆನಿ೦ ಸಾರ್ ಕೆಲ್ಲೊ ಮುಣ್  ಜವಾಬ್ ದಿತಲ್ಯಾ೦ವ್।

ತಿ ಮಾತ್ರ್ ಆಮಿ ದಾಡ್ಚೆ ಪೊಯ್ಶೆ ಭಾರಿಚ್ಚ್ ಜಾಗ್ರುತೆನ್ ಖರ್ಚಿತಾಲಿ। ಹರ್ಯೆಕಾ ವೊಸ್ತುಚೆ೦ ಮೋಲ್ ಪಾರ್ಕಿತಾಲಿ ಆನಿ ಗರ್ಜ್ ಆಸ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಮಾತ್ರ್ ಘೆತಲಿ।

"ಅಡಿ ತೂದು ಮುಡಿ ದೆರ್ಪೊಡ್" ಮುಣ್ಚ್ಚ್ಚಿ ತಿಚಿ ಬೂದ್ ಬಾಳ್ ಕಿತ್ಲಿ ಔಟ್ ಆಫ್ ಡೇಟ್ ಜಾಲ್ಯಾ ಮುಣ್ ತಿಕ ಕಶೆ೦ ಸಂಗ್ಚೆ೦?  ಸಾ೦ಗ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಜಗ್ಡ್ಯಾಕ್ ಕಾರಣ್। ಆಮಿ ಸರ್ವ೦ ಘರ್, ಕಾರ್ , ಟಿವಿ ಸರ್ವ್ EMI ಚೆರ್ ಗೇ೦ವ್ಚ್ಯಾ ಜನರೇಶನಚಿ೦ ಮುಣ್ ತಿಕ ಕಶೆ೦ ಕಳಿತ್? EMI ಆಮ್ಕಾ೦ ಆಮ್ಚ್ಯಾ ಥಾಂಕಿ ಭಯ್ಲ್ಯೊ ವಸ್ತು ಏಕ ಖಿಣಾ ಭಿತರ್ ಆಪ್ಣಾ೦ವ್ನ್ಕ್ ಮಜತ್ ಕರ್ತನ ತಿಚಿ ಬೂದ್ ಬಾಳ್ ಅಮ್ಕಾ೦ ನಟ್ವನಾತ್ಲ್ಲಿ। ಕ್ರೆಡಿಟ್ ಕಾರ್ಡ್ ಆಸ್ಲ್ಲ್ಯಾನ್ ಹರ್ಯೆಕಾ ಮಹಿನ್ಯಾ೦ತ್  ಯೆ೦ವ್ಚ್ಯಾ ಸಾ೦ಬಾಳಾಂತ್ ಆದ್ಲ್ಯಾ ಮೊಹಿನ್ಯಾ೦ತ್ ಕೆಲ್ಲೊ ಖರ್ಚ್ ಪಾಟಿ೦ ಭೂರು೦ಕ್  ಆನಿ೦ EMI ದಿತಾನಾ ಕಿತೆ೦ಚ್ ಉರಾನಾತ್ಲ್೦।

ಖ೦ಚಾಯ್ ಮಹಿನ್ಯಾ೦ತ್ ಸಾಂಬಾಳ್ ಏ೦ವ್ಕ್  ತಡವ್ ಜಾಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಮಾತ್ರ್ ಮಮ್ಮಿಚ್ಯಾ ಜಾಗ್ವಣೆಚೊ ಉಡಾಸ್ ಯೆತಾಲೊ ಆನಿ೦ ತಿಣೆ೦ ಸಾಂಗ್ಲ್ಲೆಂ ಸತ್ ಮುಣ್ ಬೊಗ್ತಾಲೆಂ। ಪುಣ್ ಆಮಿ ಆಮ್ಚ್ಯಾ ಸಿದ್ಧಾಂಥ೦ಚ್ಯಾ ವಾಟೆರ್ ಭೋವ್ ಪೊಯ್ಸ್ ಪಾವ್ಲ್ಲ್ಯಾನ್ ಪಾಟಿಂ ಯೆವ್ಣ್ಚೆ೦ ತಿತ್ಲೇ೦ ಸಲೀಸ್ ನಾತ್ಲೇ೦। ಪರತ್ ಸಾಂಬಾಳ್ ಯೆತಾಲೊ ಆನಿ೦ ತತ್ಕಾಳಿಕ್ ಆಡ್ಚನ್ ನಿವಾರ್ತೆಲಿ ಆನಿ೦ ಪರತ್ ವಸ್ತು೦ಚಿ೦ ಇಸ್ತಿಹಾರ೦ ಆಪೊಯ್ತಾಲಿ೦। ಆನಿ೦ ಪರತ್ EMI ಚ್ಯಾ ವೇ೦ಗೆ೦ತ್ ಮಾಕಾ ಲೊಡ್ತಲಿ೦!

ಮಮ್ಮಿಚಿ ಬೂದ್ ಬಾಳ್ ಸಾರ್ಕಿ ಮುಣ್ ದಿಸ್ಲ್ಯಾರಿ ಆತ೦ಚ್ಯಾ ಕಾಳ ಪ್ರಕಾರ್ ಚಲ್ಚಿ ವೊಡ್ನಿ  ಆಸ್ ಲ್ಲಿ। ಬೊರಯೊ ಬೊರಯೊ ವಸ್ತು ಮುಜ್ಯಾ ಘರೀ೦ ಆಯಿಲ್ಲ್ಯೊ। ದೆವಾನ್ ದಯಾ ದಾಕಯ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್, ಕಾಮ್ ಬೊರೆಂ ಆಸ್ಲ್ಯಾರ್, ಯೋಜನ್ ಸರ್ಕೆ೦ ಕೆಲ್ಯಾರ್ ಮುಜ್ಯಾ  ವಾಟಾನಿ೦ ಕಿತೆ೦ಚ್ ವಾಯ್ಟ್ ನಾತ್ಲ್ಲೆ೦ । ಪುಣ್ ಮಮ್ಮಿಕ್ ತ್ಯಾ ವಿಷ್ಯ೦ತ್ ಸಮ್ಜ೦ವ್ಚಿ ಗರ್ಜಯೀ ನಾತ್ಲ್ಲಿ। ತಿ ಮುಜ್ಯಾ ವಾಟೆಕ್ ಯೇನ ಹಾ೦ವ್ ತಿಚ್ಯಾ ವಾಟೆಕ್ ವಚನ ಮುಣ್ತಾನಾ ಗರ್ಜೆಕ್ ಪೊಟಿ ಮರ್ಯೆತ್ ಮುಣ್ ಮಾಕಾ ಬೊಗ್ತಾಲೆ೦। ತುಮಿ ಕಿತೆ೦ ಮುಣ್ತಾತ್ ?










  

Are you a giver or a taker? | Adam Grant

My favorite poem collection