Let me tell you, I am not against celebrating mother's day. It is a very good gesture and I am glad a day has been dedicated for this special person in our lives. But it is time to think beyond the usual 'stereotypes' of a mother. When I say 'stereotype' the usual larger than life image created about a mother with words like 'self-sacrificing', 'ocean of strength', 'ever available', 'puts self last after serving others' etc.
I am thinking of those few mother's who may have fallen short in playing the role of a mother. I think of the mother's with mental illness, mother's who had to give up their children for adoption due to life's circumstances, those who are addicts etc.
I am reminded of a dialogue in a Hindi film 'Dhamaal' wherein actors Ashish Chaudhary and Asrani motivate a drunk and sleeping pilot to fly them to Goa. When they put on the music, the first song in the list is about mother's love, it enrages the pilot as he is reminded of the negative experiences in his childhood. Though it was a hilarious scene, it reflects the reality of those few people who have not experienced the love of their mother. There are lots of children for whom the word 'Mother' may bring up adverse feelings.
While the expectations of the 'ideal mother' are scary especially in the Indian context, there are also few mother's whose actions have scarred the lives of their children. Consciously or unconsciously, due to circumstances or due to own choices the children have undergone pain and rejection.
During my work with orphan and vulnerable children, children born with HIV, children of sex worker's I have come across children who undergo emotional pain and struggle to come to terms with life as they feel let down by their mother's. This may be a real issue or of perception as I also know several such mother's (e.g. HIV positive or women in sex work) who put their lives on line and work the hardest for the sake of their children! I salute their efforts and truly wish these mother's experience love this mother's day.
To all such children (who may be grown up now) I want to say, 'Yes it was a tough phase as you did not have a normal upbringing, but this mother's day may you find peace and forgive your mother for her shortcomings as it will personally liberate you.
Happy Mother's Day!
